⚡ BREAKING: CEO announces "strategic restructuring" after Q3 miss — Investors confused but impressed. |
🚀 Board votes to "double down" on synergy and buzzwords. |
💼 Stock down 12% — CEO blames legacy issues. |
🧠 Leadership offsite concludes: "We’ll circle back next quarter." |
📈 Consultants hired to study why consultants are hired. |
💰 New CFO promises “discipline and vision” — buys a yacht. |
🤖 AI replaces interns, produces 300 PowerPoints overnight. |
🔥 CEO trend alert: pivoting into blockchain again. |